Apropos nothing in particular, (but as its been a bit heavy over the last couple of posts), something that Mrs. D.P. received by e-mail.
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her
making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and
surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on
the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her
and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
Observations?
23 comments:
That is hilarious! There is truth to it. Except in our case, Susan is the one running around in the towel!
Tha wez funny. Ah foond the second port te be especially accurate, marra.
(I'll be commenting in Geordie from now on.)
:)
Please tell me that 'Wee!' is just about enthusiasm.
Oh no, no, no.....
:-D
Apparently I do not know how to shower. Perhaps I should print this off...
If my wife let me get away with it, that's how I'd do it. ;)
This is very funny, but I have never heard of as many products as are included in the instructions for bathing like a woman. My husband spends 5 times as much time in the shower as I do. I don't know how much of that time is spent admiring his willie.
As I am an old woman, I have given up on planning to exercise more.
"Make a shampoo mowhawk" I do that, I do that. I'm not commenting on to what extent if any I may or may not do any of the other things.
Living in an otherwise female dominated household, I am strangely attracted to the ever changing array of colourful plastic bottles which abound in our bathroom.
Awesome. P.J.
The best Yorkshire-Asian I have heard in a long while!
DP, just posting this signifies that you're a real man.
I'm thankful that Grandpère is quite neat about his showers.
LOL -
DP...that was just down right funny.
Thanks for the laugh this morning!!
Thanks Wayne. You need to know that there are others in the blogosphere who see these type of posts as evidence that I am not saved and need to repent of my filth.
Sigh.
DP:
I am not sure which was funnier, the list or your last comment.
I think I saw some of my wife and me in you posts.
DP,
I love this post! I agree with 98% of it. I tend to cover up when our teenage son is around, not the hubby. While the numerous bottles have different scents and extracts, the accuracy of this post makes me wonder where the hidden camera is in my bathroom!
Did you know Einstein personally or something, DP? ;)
"I have firmly resolved to bite the dust, when my time comes, with a minimum of medical assistance, and up to then, I will sin to my wicked hearts content."
- Albert Einstein
Seems to me that he got tired of people saying the same type of stuff about him as well.
:)
Well DP, I like to laugh as much as the next guy.....I also know the difference between good fun humor and something that's down right nasty.
Now there is this guy at work who knows not to tell me his type of jokes...cuz I just don't want to hear that kind of filth.
But this post pretty much pegged the difference between almost every girl and guy when it comes to shower time...lol...too funny.
Sorry DP. I just realized i misspelled willy.
I would never be so crass as to say "woo woo!" I'd go "honk! honk!" instead.
I agree Wayne. The post that is deemed to be offensive by some is A Doorman'S Journal which you can find listed on my profile page. I'd be interested in your perception.
Pisco: Everyone knows you to be a man of impecable behaviour. Crass is not in your repertoire.
Roland: Einstein was my Grandfather.
Susan S: I just put that down to American spelling.
Two words for woman out there: Pulsating Showerhead ;)
Cleaner then I've ever been!
Sometimes I shower more than a couple times a day...
PS. Shaking the willy, mmm, sounds interestingly fun :)
CUTE POST!
One of those male activities must take an awful lot longer to perform than describe -- now that you've reminded me what it was like to live with a man, I seem to remember that alla that took him at least 45 minutes.
Dunno why anyone would complain to you about endorsing good, clean fun, DP. That was funny.
Woo-woo?
Oh dear.
(I am laughing but I will never admit it.)
DP =
Hilarious! My hair is too short to do the shampoo mohawk though!
RFSK
Here from Padre Mickey's, who will likely regret having mentioned it forthwith.
I once heard this definition of an overly fastidious male,
"He gets out of the shower to wee".
Wonder Woman: yer right; it is.
And that's probably more than enough.
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